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  The Green Gene

  A Crime Novel

  Peter Dickinson

  Part I

  Whiteside

  I

  Replying to the debate the Home Secretary said, amid cheers, that nothing was more obnoxious to the people of Britain than racial discrimination. Every citizen of this country, as well as every foreign visitor, was issued with a National Health Card. This card entitled him to many benefits, chief among which was that in its top right-hand corner it carried an absolutely clear statement of the owner’s racial status. If the card read ‘Saxon’ and anyone—anyone whatsoever, Cabinet Minister or petty official—attempted to treat the owner as other than a Saxon, then the severest penalties of the law could be visited on him. It made no difference whether the owner was black or brown or yellow or white; he was entitled to all the protection of Saxon Law. And the same thing, mutatis mutandis, applied to Celts and the Celtic Law. It was an irrelevance that the majority of Celts, and no Saxons, had green skins. That was a genetic accident. Celtic Law had come down to us from very ancient origins, via the ancient Brehon laws of Ireland and the more modern mysteries of Scots Law. (Some laughter.) Its very survival proved that Celtic Law was peculiarly suited to the Celtic culture and temperament. It was in no sense discrimination to apply to people the law that most suited them. In fact, under new regulations which he proposed shortly to lay before Parliament, anyone who suggested that this was racial discrimination would automatically become guilty of incitement to racial hatred, and following an appearance before the Race Relations Tribunal, would be sentenced to a minimum of five years in a Conciliation Camp. (Cheers.)

  The Home Secretary was about to continue his speech when the Speaker adjourned the debate to allow the Chamber to be searched for an explosive device. (‘Bomb Threat in Parliament’: see page 2, col. 4.)

  P. P. Humayan lowered his suitcase to the pavement. Almost he sat on it, but then recalled that people who sit on suitcases in public are riff-raff, exiles, undocumented wanderers silted into the transit areas of airports; whereas he, P. P. Humayan, had all his papers in order and a definite destination. Well, almost definite—there was something about Doctor Glister’s letter that left him a little uneasy. And anyway, if he sat on the suitcase its strained and ancient clasp would probably burst.

  So he stood to rest, breathing the fumy May air, and watched a municipal street-sweeper working his way up the gutter of the tree-lined avenue, a gaunt and defeated figure who leaned on his brush as much as he swept with it; the pile of dust and lolly-wrappers became no larger as it was nudged along the gutter because the sweeper’s technique shed precisely the same amount of litter as he gathered. But he was very picturesque, framed under the plane-trees with his dark uniform setting off the brilliant green of his face and hands. For the first time Humayan understood a mystery that had always interested him, why tourists in his native Bombay had spent so much good film photographing beggars and outcasts. Here, now, in London, if his own camera had been working he might well have taken a photograph of this sweeper to send home to his mother. A colour photograph. He could afford that now.

  A fat white Mercedes slid into the kerb, hooting at the sweeper to jump clear and scattering the hoarded pile of litter as he did so. Nine Chinese in sharply cut lightweight suits popped out, shook hands energetically with each other and strutted into a bar called McWatter’s Auld Bothie, Saxons only. Their chauffeur hooted again and slid the car away; he too was green. The sweeper fetched his cart and shovelled a fresh pile of dust and litter out of it into the gutter; he gathered to it the larger remnants of his previous pile and swept the whole mess slowly on.

  Typical, thought Humayan. But he was comforted, as one always is in a strange country when one’s preconceptions about its inhabitants are confirmed.

  Two policemen came round the corner by the dry-cleaner, blue-eyed, pink-cheeked, dark-moustached, walking with a curious weighty stroll as though it were part of their duties to tread the paving-stones more firmly into position. Their blue stare flicked along the avenue and rested on Humayan. His whole body seemed to gulp, once. He was perfectly entitled to be here, perfectly entitled—but he felt very small and very dark-skinned in this zone of pink giants. His left hand made a snatching movement towards his breast pocket, and then deliberately he drew out Doctor Glister’s letter and sketch-map. He would ask them the way, and only show them his Card when they demanded to see it.

  The avenue seemed to shrink into stillness at their coming. But when they were five paces away the stillness moved. It was nothing you could call a sound—more a sudden shuffling of the air, caused by some large disturbance several miles away. The policemen glanced at each other, swung aside and moved up the avenue at a pace that was almost hurried. Humayan’s relief as he watched them go was mixed with gratification. No revolvers flopped against their buttocks, so this must be an area where the police still walked unarmed, a very superior residential district, in fact. Since he had the sketch-map out, he checked it again. The last landmark would be a pub.

  The pub was a glaring white building, picked out with shiny black, but quite old. It looked as though the brewers who owned it had decided to keep its crumbling plaster in place with a carapace of fresh paint. Beside it ran a cobbled alley; the name-plate on the wall said ‘Horseman’s Yard’; he was there.

  Disappointment washed through him. He thought of the shouts from the drinkers in the evenings, the picric reek of old drinks in the mornings. What sort of doctor lived down a shabby alley behind a place such as this? If there was an outside lavatory he would not stay. On the other hand Doctor Glister’s writing-paper had been thick and crisp, and the address elegantly printed. With a sigh of uncertainty Humayan lugged his suitcase into the alley. The beer-smell was strong but tolerable.

  The alley was barred at the end by a wrought-iron screen with a gate in it. Twirly metal letters spelt out the words ‘This Yard is Private Property’. Beyond the screen he could see hanging baskets of blue and scarlet flowers, their colours vivid against new purple brick and big sheets of glass and strips of aluminium. The gate was not locked but when he opened it a mellow buzzer sounded and several dogs started to bark. He saw at once that he had been wrong. The Yard was a very superior place, very superior indeed.

  The paving was variegated with patches of round black pebbles set into cement; the eight houses had the crisp lines of total newness. The architect had managed to fit in touches that suggested these were artists’ studios, but it was dear that only rich, young, smart, reliable artists would feel at home here. A green maid with blazing orange hair was polishing the windows of Number Two. With that elated feeling that Humayan knew from experience meant that the planets were combining to favour him, he strode to the door of Number Six and pressed the bell. Its tenor fluting was drowned in a flurry of barks. A ghost shape formed beyond the pearled glass of the door and hunched to peer at him through the spy-hole; this was set a little high for someone of his stature, so he stood back to allow himself to be dearly seen. He felt beautifully confident. A blonde girl opened the door.

  “We’re all atheists,” she said, “and we’ve got enough kitchen spatulas.”

  She spoke as though both bits of news were enormously cheering. She was younger than he had expected.

  “Mrs. Glister?” he said.

  “Christ, no!”

  She had in fact made a movement as if to close the door, but now she stood still.

  “My name is P. P. Humayan. I have received
a letter from Doctor Glister inviting me to be his lodger in a room which he says is vacant at this address.”

  “Christ!”

  They stood staring at each other for a while. Humayan’s confidence was still effervescing all through him, and fizzed all the more in the presence of this clean, pink, pretty girl. Her fair hair had been through the curlers and was a shock of bright fuzz; she wore a maroon T-shirt and wide-legged maroon trousers; her flesh looked not soft but resilient, as though when you pressed it you would find it supple and springy. He licked mental lips and wondered whether she had a lover.

  “Christ,” she said, resignedly this time. “Does Mum know?”

  “Doctor Glister’s letter says ‘My wife and I will be happy to welcome you,’” said Humayan, pulling the letter out and handing it across, wishing that it wasn’t now so grubby with reperusal. She read it frowning, then looked quickly round Horseman’s Yard.

  “If Mrs. Glister …” began Humayan.

  “Oh, she knew someone was going to have Moirag’s room. I mean, that was her idea, but … I mean … does she know about … Christ, I suppose you’d better come in. Mum’s taking Glenda to the dentist. I suppose I’d better give Dad a ring. Christ. I suppose you’d better leave your bag in the hall for the moment.”

  The hall was close-carpeted in soft gold. The living room, whose big plate window looked across the Yard, smelt of rich sweet tobacco but was otherwise aseptic, with bleak abstracts on the walls and low, square-cornered furniture. A complex record-player extruded a pother of gibbering drums. Two curious small dogs, like tailless squirrels, yelped at Humayan until the girl threw cushions at them when they slunk under a coffee table and began to lick their sexual organs. She turned the drummer off and sighed.

  “I apologise for the confusion,” said Humayan. “I came very precipitately, because I have a friend in Air India who, you know, sometimes has very cheap tickets to sell—but only at the last minute. I explained this to your father that I couldn’t be sure of the date, and he said, you see, it was OK. But even so I apologise …”

  She cut him short with a sigh, picked up the telephone, dialled two digits and paused.

  “Look, Mr … er …”

  “Humayan.”

  “That’s right. I mean does he know … I mean do you know about our, you know, zoning laws? I mean …”

  Humayan took out his wallet and worked his National Health Card free. He took it across to the girl and showed her the essential word, stamped boldly in the rectangle in the top right-hand corner.

  “Christ,” she said, jiggling the receiver stand and dialling again. He crossed the room and pretended to be interested in the life of Horseman’s Yard. The maid was gossiping with the postman now, both green faces creased into laughter, both sets of teeth yellow and gapped.

  “Extension thirty-six,” said the girl. “Hello, Sue, this is Kate. How’s the car going? … Great. Can I speak to Mussolini? No, it’s important. Thanks … Hi, Dad Yes, sorry, but you’ve got to sort this out—there’s a fellow turned up here called … damn, I’ve forgotten …”

  “Humayan.”

  “That’s right, he’s called Humayan, and he says he’s the fellow who’s going to have Moirag’s room … yes, of course … he’s got a letter from you, all about rent and things … Oh, but Christ, Dad, of course he’s the right fellow, but he’s (look, I’m sorry, Mr. Thing) he’s brown … more coffee than milk … no, of course I think it’s all right, but what about Mum? … She’s at the dentist with Glenda, you know that, you changed the appointment … yes, his Card’s OK, he showed me, it says Saxon … But Mum! … No, I bloody well won’t—it’s nothing to do with me. You’ve bloody well got to sort it out. OK, listen, I’ll get him out of the house and keep him happy for an hour—I’ll put his bag in my room … but you can bloody well come home and sort it out with Mum … It’s nothing to do with me … OK, so long. Christ.”

  She spoke the last word to herself as she put the telephone down with a bang.

  “Some misunderstanding?” said Humayan gently. He had often told himself on the journey that he was bound to meet occasional patches of prejudice during his stay in England and that he would school himself to ignore them. Now he saw that the schooling would be harder than he had expected.

  “The bloody twit,” said the girl. “The bloody arrogant twit. Look, Mr … look, we’ve got to clear out before Mum comes home. Dad’s coming back to sort it out with her. You go out of the Yard, turn left at the lights and wait for me at the next lights. I’ll be about ten minutes. The Zone ends there, so we can go around together. OK?”

  In fact he had to wait almost quarter of an hour at the lights, but occupied the time pleasantly enough, watching the passers-by and thinking about the girl. She was several inches taller than he was, but that would be true of almost any Englishwoman he met, and in this case he found the notion stimulating. He wondered whether she too … at least she had refused to let him carry his case up to her bedroom; perhaps that was a natural first reaction to a feeling of sexual attraction. The whole situation was very promising. He did not feel at all alarmed by the momentary difficulty over Mrs. Glister’s reception of him, because he was confident in the knowledge of favourable planets.

  His eye was caught by a brilliant blob of mauve on the other side of the road, a large and glossy pram pushed by a weary young green woman. Clear through the traffic Humayan could hear the squall of infant lungs. The mother stopped, balanced a paper carrier-bag on the foot of the pram and took from it two bottles; she used the bag to screen what she was doing from the crowds on her side of the street; rapidly she eased the teat off the baby’s bottle and poured into the orange-juice a shot of brandy from the other bottle; then with a quick glance over her shoulder she herself took a swig at the brandy bottle and thrust it back into the carrier-bag before giving the baby its own bottle. The squalling ceased.

  “Bloody nit,” said a voice at Humayan’s shoulder. “She’ll get picked up.”

  Miss Glister had changed, not merely her clothes but her appearance. She was dressed now in a coarse, peasant-looking smock and her pink skin was smeared with a make-up which hinted vaguely at olive. The lights were now against them, so they stood and waited.

  “How does one distinguish the border of a Zone?” said Humayan.

  “You don’t,” she said. “You’re supposed to know. But when you’ve been here a couple of weeks you’ll find you can smell it. Get to a Green Zone, though, and you’ll see the riot barriers stacked up. You’re not allowed in there. Right, let’s cross.”

  She took his arm and nannied him over the road, but let go as soon as they were on the far pavement.

  “I have read about the zoning laws,” he said stiffly. “I was not aware that persons of different races were forbidden to walk together in a Saxon Zone.”

  “They aren’t forbidden, but good as because the pigs don’t like it. Specially if you’re young. They take you in and question you, a couple of days sometimes, and then let you go. It happened to a girl I know and she’s had the twitch ever since. So it’s not worth the risk. But it’s OK in a mixed zone like this. What does P stand for?”

  “I regret …”

  “You said your name was P. P. Thing. What does P stand for?”

  “Ah. I see. The first P stands for Pravandragasharatipili. The second P does not stand for anything. I chose it for euphony.”

  “Christ! D’you mind … well … I mean … is it OK if I call you Pete?”

  “That will be quite acceptable.”

  “Great. I’m Kate, unless Mum’s in earshot.”

  Well, this was progress, thought Humayan. Pete Humayan. A definite step towards intimacy. He tried to match his pace to hers as she wound her way down the crowded pavement. This was a quite different area from the one in which the Glisters lived; the brass dolphin door-knockers were gone, and the glistening paint, and the
kempt window-boxes. This was all shops, every second one of which seemed to sell either shoes or refrigerators. The shops were clean, neon-lit and spacious, but the pavements were busy and dirty. For the first time Humayan saw green citizens not working at necessary jobs such as carrying travellers’ luggage or cleaning windows, but moving and frowning as though they had lives and problems of their own. He saw several policemen, of both colours, all armed.

  “This way,” said Kate and swung through an inadequate gap in the traffic, so that Humayan had to scutter for the central island. On the north side of the road ornate red-brick buildings showed raddled above the glistening shop-fronts, but on the south these had been completely pulled down and a whole new shopping precinct erected round a central tower of offices. Kate led him out of the fretting traffic into a patio for pedestrians where leaves and sweet-wrappers swirled in little fey tornadoes generated by the micro-climate of the tower. It seemed inconceivable that anybody should ever want to sit here, but there were benches in the middle of the patio, rather like those one finds in large old-fashioned art-galleries, which enable the high-souled visitor to rest while he studies classic rapes and martyrdoms. So here it seemed that the benches had been provided for the really enthusiastic shopper to sit for an hour and feast his eyes and soul on the façade of the Olde Chick’n’burger Eaterie or the Cutique. Not a soul was so doing.

  But when the patio turned the corner to round the back of the tower every bench was full.

  “Hey! They must be good!” said Kate. “We’ll have to sit on the ground.”

  In the middle of the paved waste, between the benches, rose cylindrical columns lit from within so that the advertisements they carried glowed with factitious warmth. Kate immediately settled cross-legged with her back to one of these. Humayan was shocked. It was four years since he had last sat on a pavement, and then it had been considerably warmer than this one looked; but by good fortune there was a litter-bin handy into which someone had dropped a clean-looking newspaper. He folded it smooth and settled with dignity on to a headline that screamed to his unheeding buttocks ‘ENVOY SNATCHED!’